Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
