dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
