was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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