I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
