You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he thought i was a dude.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
