All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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