I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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