Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
