i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
