We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
