just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
