Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
