If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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