my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
