She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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