Where did you get a picture of my penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
