i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
