Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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