two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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