You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
