Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've blown a few things in my day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
