i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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