dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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