Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
