Kareoke will never be a sober sport
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
