Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
