Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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