it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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