Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
