I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
