Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
