He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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