Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
