I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
