The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
