Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
