Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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