conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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