doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
