Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Vodka?
Forever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
