just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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