Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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