i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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