i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
