It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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