I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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