Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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