I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
