people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
