Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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