you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
