Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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