The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
