I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
