YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
