On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
