Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
