Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
