Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
