So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
