if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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