i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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