Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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