Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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