How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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