S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
