I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
