Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
