I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
