Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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