woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
