she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
