the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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